Death. Chaos. Unicorn Tears

👋🏼

Hi, I’m Kris Bromley

Creative, Strategic & Mental Sparring Partner

Founder of Brain Tapas™

🩻 The Backstory

When I was 15, I nearly died. I was given a 5% chance of survival.

Meningitis. Septicaemia. Full shutdown.

Doctors told my parents to prepare for the worst.

Somehow, I (just about) pulled through —no brain damage*, no amputations.

Just a life that’s always carried a little more urgency, perspective, and edge.

🎁 Then I went on my Firebox arc —

20 years of big wins, brutal lows, viral ideas, chaotic culture, and a hard-won sale.

I know what it’s like to lead something bold, to carry the weight, and to burn out quietly behind the scenes.

Now I help others do it better.

📸 Highs & Lowlights

🎯 Built & led Firebox.com — “the oldest start-up in town” — for 20 years.

From customer service hire to Managing Director.

(After remortgaging my house to buy equity.)

📦 The Shop for the Unusual. No funding. 6 million+ orders. £170M+ turnover.

30+ staff. Everything in-house.

Industry-beating NPS. Celebrity customers.

A cult ‘not for everyone’ culture — so sticky, not enough people left.

🌍 Survived recessions, pandemics, the birth of smartphones, all social media, influencers, Amazon, drop-shipping, and 2 decades of change.

🧠 Created viral products & edgy brand ideas that cut through:

Unicorn Tears Gin. Crapwrap. Crystal Meth Candy. F*cking Strong Coffee.

🧨 Hired by Michael Acton Smith (Calm, Mind Candy).

Played virtually every role: face of brand, culture builder, product lead, voice of the company, buyer, box-packer, marketer, ops, tech.

📉 Burned out in a hospital in Portugal.

Family holiday. Mental crash. Wake-up call.

⚖️ Threatened by Disney, Fox & Lionel Richie’s lawyers.

Also sued for a hangover cure that didn’t work.

📺 Media ‘sensation’:

Netflix (regular judge), The Apprentice (judge), Derren Brown (patsy), Channel 4, BBC1 & 2, Sky News, appeared as 6 different ‘characters’ for a press launch, & a Quora most-viewed ‘expert’ with 1.5m views!

👕 Side hustles: UK hip-hop t-shirt business, health/hedonism blog, failed energy mints, semi-autobiographical comedy screenplay.

💪 Got abs in my 40s (briefly).

💔 Lost my dad.

👨‍👧‍👧 Became a girl dad (x2).

📦 Moved to East Yorkshire. Still miss London.

*Some would argue about the brain damage.

Everything I’ve lived, built, tested, broken, and rebuilt—

all of it feeds into how I work with you now.

This isn’t just experience.

It’s earned insight—weaponised for your benefit.

So whether you’re:

  • building a bold brand,

  • running an independent business,

  • chasing your next reinvention,

  • or just trying to make sharper decisions under pressure…

I’m in your corner.

Meningitis didn’t kill me.

Firebox didn’t kill me.

Now I help make sure your business doesn’t kill you either.

👉 [Let’s sharpen your edge →]

Curious? Drop your details below, and I’ll BE IN TOUCH. 

A no-pressure intro call—part Brain Tapas™ walkthrough, part conversation about what’s on your mind.